I have probably heard it all. Everything from: congratulations!; I am so happy for you!; good for you; to: what, are you trying to populate the world yourself; your going to pop out another one!?!; no,no,no, didn't the Dr. tell you it's not safe at your age? Ha ha. I am able to take it all in stride because I have some pretty firm beliefs on the subject. I guess for you to understand why we are having another baby I should share my feelings and beliefs.
We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, but what exactly does that mean? Does it mean we have as many children as we can? Does it mean if we don't have children or only have one or two we are sinning?
I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this question. I firmly believe how many children a couple has or doesn't have is between them and the Lord. I certainly won't judge someone because of the amount of children they have, or don't have. Many people have struggles that we just don't know about, whether that be infertility or something else, so it is just wrong to judge. God blesses everyone according to what He knows they need to learn what they need to learn, not by what they or others think they want or should have.
There was a time when I thought I would only have one child. Since most of you don't know my story I will share it with you.
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| Morgyn about 19 months |
When Morgyn was about 18 months old we decided we were ready for another child. I did not anticipate any problems and expected to get pregnant within a few months. Well it took 9 months to finally conceive and that ended in miscarriage. During this time Jared and I were taking the temple prep class and preparing to go to the temple. I thought we would be blessed with another child soon because we were doing what was right. We were sealed in the temple when Morgyn was 2 1/2 years old. Jared and I also received our patriarchal blessings around this time. I thought for sure the Lord was going to bless us because we were finally an eternal family and we were following His plan. A few months later I was pregnant again (6 months after the miscarriage) only to have another miscarriage. I was devastated. I wondered what I was doing wrong to be punished like this, I just couldn't understand. I prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked him to stop the miscarriages. I would rather never be pregnant again than to keep going through this. At this point Morgyn was a few months away from turning 3. A few months after she turned 3 I had another early miscarriage of twins.
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| Our sealing day |
Almost a year and a half went by with no more pregnancies. We had done some testing and nothing was found that would make it impossible to get pregnant, a little more difficult maybe, but possible. I thought we were done. I was ready to give up. At this point Morgyn was 4 1/2. I told Jared that we should get rid of all the baby stuff because we weren't going to have any more children. I was fairly certain of this and his response was, "no, just be patient". I felt like I had been patient enough and I couldn't understand his counsel, and honestly I didn't want to listen (I can be pretty stubborn like that), but I did.
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| Morgyn at about 4 |
About a month after this conversation I pulled out my patriarchal blessing and began to read it. Well, I kind of got a smack in the face. Right there in black and white I was told a few years earlier that I "would be blessed with more children". How did I not understand what this meant before? Maybe I just forgot. I guess that is one reason we are supposed to read and study our blessings frequently!! I decided I needed to pray. I went in my room and locked the door, got on my knee's and said a prayer. I did what you probably shouldn't do. I told the Lord that this trial would be a lot easier to bear if I knew WHEN I would have another child. I ended my prayer and went about my daily tasks. This was before I realized you need to wait for an answer DURING your prayers! I said nothing to anyone about this prayer. I knew He could answer this prayer, I just didn't know how He would or IF He would. About a week later Morgyn was in her room with her cousin and a little girl that I babysat at the time and I heard the girls talking about what they wanted to play. Morgyn said, "wait a minute, I have to tell my mom something first." All 3 girls came running in and my sweet Morgyn said, "mom, you have to wait a year before you can have a baby." Then the girls all ran back to her room to play. I stood there with my jaw on the floor, speechless and in shock!
My head was spinning! Did this mean I would have a baby in a year or get pregnant in a year? Was this the answer to my prayer? It HAD to be! Well about 6 weeks later we found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed, but also nervous so we didn't tell anyone until I had gone to the Dr. for an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright. This little bundle, Jacob, was born when Morgyn was almost 5 1/2.
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| Morgyn 5 Jacob about 6 weeks |
I learned a very important lesson through all this. The Lord will bless us with what is right for us in HIS timing, not ours. I guess sometimes I have to learn things the hard way. After we found out that this pregnancy had about a 98% chance of bringing a baby into the world I said a prayer of gratitude! I promised my Heavenly Father that I would have the children He wanted me to have, He would just have to make it happen. I did have another miscarriage between Jacob and John (this one was an empty sac or blighted ovum) and another one between Jared and Ammon, but I now know that the Lord's hand is in it. I will have the children I am supposed to have when I am supposed to have them!
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| Morgyn John and Jacob |
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| Morgyn John Isaac and Jacob Sorry I could not get this picture to rotate right. |
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| John Jacob Isaac Morgyn and Jared |
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| John Morgyn Jacob Jared Isaac and Ammon |
Now some may ask if I plan on having any more children. Well, I never planned on having 7, so my answer is no I don't plan on it. I planned on 3 or 4 tops. Heavenly Father obviously had a different plan for me. If He wants to bless me with more then He will, but honestly I am getting to old for this and I have a hard enough time with the 6 I already have. I guess the Lord sees me stronger than I see myself.
