Sarah Elisabeth Olson

Sarah Elisabeth July 27, 2014  7lbs 13oz 16" long Arrived at 12:26pm

We still haven't heard back on the edited pictures so I will try to find some that should be OK to share.

This is going to be a hard post to write. I'm not even sure where to begin.

When we found out we were expecting again I was happy and nervous all at the same time. The baby was due just a few weeks before my 40th birthday and I knew my chances of having a special needs baby were much greater than they were when I was younger. Throughout the pregnancy I felt something wasn't quite right, but I never said a word to anyone because saying it out loud somehow would make it a reality. When we had the ultrasound at 20 weeks there was one point, one view, where in my head I just knew she had Down's Syndrome. Nobody else said anything. The Dr. asked the ultrasound tech if everything was alright and she said yes, so I dismissed my feelings as fears and never said anything.

When I was 28 weeks along I went into pre-term labor. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have stopped the labor. Maybe we would have had a little while with her before she passed away. Shortly after that I started gaining weight really fast. I was uncomfortable all the time, sometimes it was constant pain no matter what I did. I was putting on a lot of water. I didn't have any of the other symptoms of pre-eclampsea so that was dismissed. When I started putting on about a pound a day the Dr.ordered an ultrasound, but it was over a holiday weekend so I couldn't get in for an ultrasound for almost a week. I never made it to that appointment.

On Saturday July 26th I didn't feel the baby move much. I kept poking at my belly and trying to make her move, but with all that fluid it didn't do much. When I went to bed that night I remember praying and asking to just feel her move and give some really good kicks. I fell asleep. When I woke up I was having contractions and spotting a little so we woke up Morgyn to let her know and we went to the hospital. We got there about 6:30am and they couldn't find a heartbeat with their monitors so they dried the doppler heart monitor. They still couldn't find a heartbeat so they called my Dr. who ordered an ultrasound right away. They turned the monitor so I couldn't see it and one of the nurses stood in front of Jared so he couldn't  see it either, but he's pretty tall so he just had to stand up and could see it fine. There was no heartbeat. There was swelling on her brain, and Jared told me when they increased the intensity, you could see her organs were all enlarged. They called my  Dr. back but he was in a council meeting and his wife said he would get there as soon as he could. They checked me at this point to see how far along I was and I was at a 7. I asked for an epidural right away because I usually go pretty fast from that point and quite frankly I had been so uncomfortable for over a month and I was looking forward to some relief! They tried to get the IV started, but that was a joke. I was so swollen that it took at least 7 tries before they finally got a vein to take. They just kept blowing out. The anesthesiologist got there about 9:30. He had a little bit of a hard time as well. He kept hitting a nerve that went down my left leg. I would get shooting pain down my leg as well as my leg kicking without effort from me. He was finally able to get it in and they got the pitocin going shortly after that. My Dr. got there about 10 and broke my water. About a half hour later I was ready but he had a hard time getting the baby to drop because there was so much fluid. All of my babies have been born with about 10 minutes or so of pushing. This was a whole new ballgame for me. I was so numb I couldn't feel anything. My legs were like foreign objects to me, although I could still feel pain in my stomach. Everyone kept saying, "you're almost there!". After an hour I called them on it telling them they had been saying that for an hour. My Dr. kept saying her shoulders were just so big. She had her hand by her face and was coming face first. He was using the vacuum and it kept popping off. One time he almost fell over trying to help get her out. She got stuck at the shoulders. He couldn't get her to budge in either direction. I was exhausted, and I could tell I was pushing wrong, but I was so numb I couldn't seem to do it the right way. My Dr. was trying so hard to help get her out that her neck started to tear. After nearly 2 hours I began really praying and pleading for help to get this baby out. I felt strength come from somewhere else and I was able to push the right way several more times and got her out. My Dr.'s exact word were, "That was the worst one I have ever done, and I've been doing this a long time." I heard him tell Jared that after that experience I should get at least a whole year off of housework, maybe two years. I asked him the next day when he came to check on me if I had heard him right and he whole heartedly said "YES!"

After she was born my Dr. said there was no way she would have lived even if she had been born alive. She appeared to have Downs Syndrome and her stomach was bigger than the rest of her and it was hard. I didn't get to hold her as much as I would have liked because I got pretty sick right after. I started shaking uncontrollably, which can be normal for around a hour or so, but I finally stopped around 3 or 4 hours later. And then it still came and went for a while after that. I also came down with a fever of 101* despite the antibiotics they had given me. I also got really nauseated. I couldn't keep anything down and after a couple of hours they finally gave me something for that. I was pretty miserable to say the least. After the epidural wore off the pain meds didn't do much for the pain. Every time they had to massage my belly it was excruciating! The next morning My Dr. tripled my percocet.

That night after Sarah was born Jared and I had some time to talk. He told me that he has felt something wasn't right all along but dismissed it as fears. Well I had felt the same thing so I think the Lord was trying to prepare us for this all along. I has a blessing shortly before I had her by 2 men who had come to bring us the sacrament in my hospital room. I was told that I would raise her in the millennium. I also had a blessing after I had her by the counselors in my bishopric. I was blessed with a speedy recovery. I remember telling Jared that it was going to take a long time for me to recover after such a horrible delivery, and he reminded me of the blessing. Now here I sit a little over 2 weeks later and I feel a whole lot better than I anticipated. Thank heaven for the priesthood and for blessings we can receive because of it!

After going to the Dr. yesterday and having him call today with the rest of the autopsy results I am frustrated! We don't have any more answers than we had before. I know my Dr. wanted a pediatric specialist to do the autopsy, but that didn't happen. I feel the person who did it didn't have the knowledge necessary to get the answers we were hoping for. The report showed that it was probably an autoimmune disorder that took Sarah's life. That can be common with RH Disease, and I am RH negative, but I have had the RoGham shot 18 times (to read more about why so many times click here) and there were no antibodies present so that was ruled out. They said that her organs were all normal as well, just all filled with fluid. Today when they called the chromosome test came back inconclusive. I wish we could have the answers we wanted, but for some reason we never will in this lifetime.

This whole experience has taught me that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself. I never would have gotten through this without Him or my husband Jared. I am so grateful for my knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan! Loosing a child, especially like this, has always been one of my worst nightmares. It's something I never thought I could get through. It was hard enough when I had sick ones in the hospital. I may not have all the answers I want, but one thing I do know is that Heavenly Father loves me. He knows what is best and there is a reason for everything. I am dealing with this far better than I ever thought possible, and I know it is because of my faith, my husband, and the support from family, friends, and ward members. Everyone has been so kind and thoughtful and that has truly helped! Thank you all so much for your love and support!

Sarah's feet

Sarah's hand, my finger

Sarah's hand and foot mold

Sarah's burial dress

Burial blanket Jared's aunt Tonia made.

Itsy bitsy casket

I was really trying to smile.

My favorite picture from that day. Sweet Ammon.

John, Isaac and Jacob

I am so glad all that swelling came off. I just looked terrible!

What On Earth Were You Thinking!?! Baby #7!!

 Most of you probably now by know that we are expecting our 7th child. This just seems surreal to me and I am still trying to get used to the idea myself.

I have probably heard it all. Everything from: congratulations!; I am so happy for you!; good for you; to: what, are you trying to populate the world yourself; your going to pop out another one!?!; no,no,no, didn't the Dr. tell you it's not safe at your age? Ha ha. I am able to take it all in stride because I have some pretty firm beliefs on the subject. I guess for you to understand why we are having another baby I should share my feelings and beliefs.

We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, but what exactly does that mean? Does it mean we have as many children as we can? Does it mean if we don't have children or only have one or two we are sinning?

I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this question. I firmly believe how many children a couple has or doesn't have is between them and the Lord. I certainly won't  judge someone because of the amount of children they have, or don't have. Many people have struggles that we just don't know about, whether that be infertility or something else, so it is just wrong to judge. God blesses everyone according to what He knows they need to learn what they need to learn, not by what they or others think they want or should have.


There was a time when I thought I would only have one child. Since most of you don't know my story I will share it with you.

Morgyn about 19 months

When Morgyn was about 18 months old we decided we were ready for another child. I did not anticipate any problems and expected to get pregnant within a few months. Well it took 9 months to finally conceive and that ended in miscarriage. During this time Jared and I were taking the temple prep class and preparing to go to the temple. I thought we would be blessed with another child soon because we were doing what was right. We were sealed in the temple when Morgyn was 2 1/2 years old. Jared and I also received our patriarchal blessings around this time. I thought for sure the Lord was going to bless us because we were finally an eternal family and we were following His plan. A few months later I was pregnant again (6 months after the miscarriage) only to have another miscarriage. I was devastated. I wondered what I was doing wrong to be punished like this, I just couldn't understand. I prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked him to stop the miscarriages. I would rather never be pregnant again than to keep going through this. At this point Morgyn was a few months away from turning 3. A few months after she turned 3 I had another early miscarriage of twins.

Our sealing day

Almost a year and a half went by with no more pregnancies. We had done some testing and nothing was found that would make it impossible to get pregnant, a little more difficult maybe, but possible. I thought we were done. I was ready to give up. At this point Morgyn was 4 1/2. I told Jared that we should get rid of all the baby stuff because we weren't going to have any more children. I was fairly certain of this and his response was, "no, just be patient". I felt like I had been patient enough and I couldn't understand his counsel, and honestly I didn't want to listen (I can be pretty stubborn like that), but I did.

Morgyn at about 4

About a month after this conversation I pulled out my patriarchal blessing and began to read it. Well, I kind of got a smack in the face. Right there in black and white I was told a few years earlier that I "would be blessed with more children". How did I not understand what this meant before? Maybe I just forgot. I guess that is one reason we are supposed to read and study our blessings  frequently!! I decided I needed to pray. I went in my room and locked the door, got on my knee's and said a prayer. I did what you probably shouldn't do. I told the Lord that this trial would be a lot easier to bear if I knew WHEN I would have another child. I ended my prayer and went about my daily tasks. This was before I realized you need to wait for an answer DURING your prayers! I said nothing to anyone about this prayer. I knew He could answer this prayer, I just didn't know how He would or IF He would. About a week later Morgyn was in her room with her cousin and a little girl that I babysat at the time and I heard the girls talking about what they wanted to play. Morgyn said, "wait a minute, I have to tell my mom something first." All 3 girls came running in and my sweet Morgyn said, "mom, you have to wait a year before you can have a baby." Then the girls all ran back to her room to play. I stood there with my jaw on the floor, speechless and in shock!

My head was spinning! Did this mean I would have a baby in a year or get pregnant in a year? Was this the answer to my prayer? It HAD to be! Well about 6 weeks later we found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed, but also nervous so we didn't tell anyone until I had gone to the Dr. for an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright. This little bundle, Jacob, was born when Morgyn was almost 5 1/2.

Morgyn 5 Jacob about 6 weeks

I learned a very important lesson through all this. The Lord will bless us with what is right for us in HIS timing, not ours. I guess sometimes I have to learn things the hard way. After we found out that this pregnancy had about a 98% chance of bringing a baby into the world I said a prayer of gratitude! I promised my Heavenly Father that I would have the children He wanted me to have, He would just have to make it happen. I did have another miscarriage between Jacob and John (this one was an empty sac or blighted ovum) and another one between Jared and Ammon, but I now know that the Lord's hand is in it. I will have the children I am supposed to have when I am supposed to have them!

Morgyn John and Jacob

Morgyn John Isaac and Jacob Sorry I could not get this picture to rotate right.

John Jacob Isaac Morgyn and Jared

John Morgyn Jacob Jared Isaac and Ammon

Now some may ask if I plan on having any more children. Well, I never planned on having 7, so my answer is no I don't plan on it. I planned on 3 or 4 tops. Heavenly Father obviously had a different plan for me. If He wants to bless me with more then He will, but honestly I am getting to old for this and I have a hard enough time with the 6 I already have. I guess the Lord sees me stronger than I see myself.

You will be missed Uncle Franchot

 I originally wrote this July 2013. For some reason I never published it.

As I sit and ponder the events of last week I am truly humbled. Jared's uncle unexpectedly passed away. He was the third child of eleven, and the first to pass away.  

Franchot was a Vietnam vet who ultimately gave his life for his country. He survived "Hamburger Hill" and he still had shrapnel through out his body from the war. There was a piece by his heart that they could not remove that caused the aneurism that killed him.

He was a kind man that was always helping other people. 
As I look back at my memories of him, I remember that he was kind of a pain in the butt at times, BUT I am so happy I got to know this kind man and spend the time with him that I did. Let me explain. 

When his second child was born him and his wife were going through a divorce and a bitter custody battle. I would babysit this little girl while her mom worked. Franchot would come over to my house to visit his precious baby girl whenever he was in town. He would come about 3 or 4 days a week and stay for anywhere from 3-7 hours at a time, for several months just to hold, play with , and bond with his baby. At the time it would annoy me because I had stuff to do and sitting here with him was not exactly convenient. I have been thinking about this a lot this week and I am so glad I gave him that opportunity! His little girl just turned 15 and I told her about this experience at the grave site on Monday. She had no idea he had gone to such lengths to spend time with her as a baby. I hope she realizes how much he loved her and wanted to spend time with her. 

He always teased me about my boys. He had 2 girls and every time I was pregnant he told me it would be a girl "because our family doesn't have very many boys, mostly girls." When I was expecting my 5th boy he said half jokingly, "Why do you get all the boys?!"

My little Ammon next to his great grandma's grave wearing the Lindsay plaid straight from Scotland! Franchot is buried right next to his mother.

Jared and I had the privilege of making the video tribute for the viewing. He was there guiding the painful process the whole time. We could not have gotten it done, and had it turn out so nice without him helping make it what he wanted it to be!

He was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and did his best to follow the commandments. I know he can help his daughters more from the other side of the veil and I hope they can feel his presence and his love for them! I know we will all see him again one day. 

You will be missed Uncle Franchot! May you rest in peace.  

Homecoming 2013

Morgyn was asked to Homecoming this year. To say that she was excited would be an understatement!!

They spent 2 days of homecoming fun. On Friday the went bowling at Boondocks and then went to the Dartwalk and tailgate party before the game, then they went to the game. On Saturday this fine young man picked her up and they went to a Murder Mystery themed diner. Morgyn was an archeologist. They had a lot of fun!

Then she came home, got changed, and off to the dance they went!!

This is Bretton Steiner. They have been friends since 6th grade. He is an awesome young man! We really love these kids!!

This is one of my favorite pictures!

Where does the time go? When did she turn into such a beautiful young woman!?! Am I really old enough to be her mother!?! I better stop blinking, she will be married with her own kids before to much longer.

Birthday Season!!

Well birthday season has begun at our house! Half of our birthdays are within 3 weeks of each other. We started off with Isaac's birthday on September 20th. He really had a great birthday.

He wanted a pair of binoculars and we scored with these!

The original price on the box was $59.99, but they were on clearance $11.99!! I love me a good deal!

Then my birthday was a week and a half later. Morgyn and I have been working on personal progress together and we both received the Young Woman Medallion in Sacrament Meeting on my birthday!

John's birthday was a few days after that. He was really happy it snowed for his birthday!

And he really wanted ninja stuff. Thank heaven for the dollar store! Another score, now we have enough ninja stuff that 3 boys can be ninjas for Halloween if they want too.

Jared's birthday was yesterday. His aunt came over and said she has the perfect gift for him, a car and a gun!

I think Ammon had a lot of fun with all these birthdays! He really enjoyed the sword fighting!

I just wish I could keep these kids little a little while longer, but I guess that isn't part of the plan. They all must grow up so I will cherish these moments as long as I can.

Tender Mercies

Moving...I HATE it...This time it has been like rubbing salt into an open wound. I have really tried to be optimistic. "This house won't be so bad, we're still close to where we want to be, everything will turn out as it should" hoping and praying that "as it should" will be the way we want it to be.

This has been our home for almost 3 years. Even though at times it feels like we are all on top of each other, it feels like home. It is where we want to be. But the landlord gave it back to the bank so we had to move. We have been searching for another place to rent for several months. It has been a huge challenge. Either no one wants to do a month to month lease or they almost have a panic attack when we tell them we have 6 children. Then about 3 weeks ago we found this place.

It did need some fix-up before we could even move in, but Jared offered to do it in exchange for a month to month lease without the extra fee. They agreed. Tender Mercies!

During this whole process little Ammon started to have an issue, blood in his stools. Our worst fear is that it would be intussusception like Jacob had. His pediatrician though it was probably a food intolerance to something I was eating. I went off dairy (usually the biggest culprit), but it was still happening. He wanted me to take him to a Pediatric GI. Well I took him to a Dr in Murray, and he has the same opinion. He also came up with a bunch of other things he 'thought' could be wrong and wanted me to give him medication, but Ammon doesn't have the symptoms of those so I don't completely agree with him on that. At least at this point it is not intussusception! Tender Mercies!

On the way to Murray I started having car trouble. All the electronics in the van completely shut down and the van lost all power. I pulled over to the side of the freeway and said a quick, pleading prayer that I would at least make it to my appointment. I shut off the radio and the heater and didn't have anymore trouble that day. Tender Mercies!

We took about a week and a half to two weeks to move. Partly because we did most of it ourselves. Don't get me wrong, we had plenty of good people offer to help, we just weren't able to say OK this is when we are moving come then. This house is about half the size and we had to stack everything to get it too fit. We also had to pack boxes and totes, bring them to the new house, unpack them, take them to the old house and pack them back up. We clearly didn't have enough boxes. The person that offered to get us boxes couldn't find them. There was another family in our ward moving at the exact same time. They finished up a few hours before us and had a few boxes left over. They brought them to us and it was just enough to finish up with! We finished Monday night Tuesday morning at 4 am. I was so tired! Luckily Tuesday night Ammon slept through the night! Double Tender Mercies!!

Our first night sleeping here we realized the thermostat wasn't working. The house wouldn't get any warmer than 62*. Jared went to replace it and the new one broke in his hands. I needed to get milk as it was Saturday night and I don't shop on Sunday so we left to get what we needed. Well, we got as far as the high school and the van started loosing power again. We made it to the parking lot of the school before the van died. It wouldn't start, or even turn over. The alternator had gone bad and killed the battery. It was a cold and windy night, and I couldn't get a hold of  my mom and Jared's parents couldn't come help either. We didn't know where any of our phone books were so we called Morgyn and told her to start calling people she knew in the ward to see if someone could come and give us a jump start. She called a couple of people but couldn't get anyone. I thought call the Standings (former home teacher and current visiting teacher)! Their number was in the caller ID. He rushed right over and helped us out, and even followed us home to make sure we made it. (They aren't always the first ones we call, but every time we call them they are able to help!) We then took the truck and were able to get the things we needed. Tender Mercies!

We tried to finish up moving on Sunday. I know, not a good idea, but we didn't have much of a choice, we needed to be out on Monday the 15th. The Allred's from up the street came and helped as well as Brother Deppe, and Jared's brother Jeremy and his daughter Kayla, and his aunt Lorna. Jared's mom stayed with the 3 youngest kids. Morgyn and I were carrying a box that weighed about 75lbs and I missed a step up behind me and fell. I was lucky! The box fell to the ground, and I went down like a tree! TIMBER! I kept thinking "just don't hit your head". I didn't, I only got a scrape on my elbow (as well as a little embarrassed).  Tender Mercies!

Jared and his brother moved the camper and had trouble with it. The jack bent and it nearly fell over. But it didn't! And no one got hurt! Tender Mercies! 

We also charged the battery on the van for about 24hrs so we could drive it to the shop. Jared checked and it was going to be over $300 for a new alternator, and he would have to find the time to fix it. His dad called his mechanic and he would only charge around $200 for the alternator and labor to install it. We got the van there and after checking it out the problem was a corroded connection. He cleaned it up and sent us on our way NO CHARGE! TENDER MERCIES INDEED!

My only hope now is that a miracle will happen and we will be able to buy our house and move back HOME!

We all have Tender Mercies in our life! We just have to open our eyes and look for them. God loves us all and only wants the best for us. Our trials are easier to bear if we try to learn what we can from them and look for the positive. We have trials to strengthen us and help us grow! I know God loves us. I know if it is meant to be, to buy our home, it will happen as long as we do our best to make it happen!

Thanks for reading!